I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
