he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am one with the molecules
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
