Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
