Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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