Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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