I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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