I want to have your abortion
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize