I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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