I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
