You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize