im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
