i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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