yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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