Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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