Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
