This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize