Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's blow job season.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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