I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
