I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize