she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
