even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
