Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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