You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is the high leading the old right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
