You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
