your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
