My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
