Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
