I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize