Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
