mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
