When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
