Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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