i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
