Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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