just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
