Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
