I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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