chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
