ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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