first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
