either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
