You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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