I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
