Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
