dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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