In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
