the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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