two words: eviction party
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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