i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
