The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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