Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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