The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
