I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
