the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
