Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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