you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
