Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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