Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
