not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
