she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Enjoy the penises
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
