what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
