just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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