His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
