I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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