I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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