Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize