Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
