You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
