wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
