hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
