Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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