Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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