haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
