I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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