Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Yo dont text me then not text me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
