your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
