sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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