she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
