What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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