he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
