I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize