there's paper in my vomit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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