SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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