wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
