I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
