I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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