Small penises have feelings too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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