you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
