Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
