i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
