party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize