Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
