Who wears a wallet chain?!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize