If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
