My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
