I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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