I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
