my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
